


Seawards

by misura



Category: Havemercy Series - Jaida Jones & Danielle Bennett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 03:12:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I fear that I am not a very good fisherman," Mamoru said ruefully, as he held out his hands so that I might treat them.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seawards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jain/gifts).



"I fear that I am not a very good fisherman," Mamoru said ruefully, as he held out his hands so that I might treat them.

The hands of my sister were calloused, as were those of everyone else on her boat, and likely everyone else in the entire village. They had taken to my lord's presence shyly at first, hardly daring to look at him, let alone speak.

Given that he was their Emperor, this was only proper, of course. I could tell that he wished it were different, but also that he had begun to resign himself to the fact that it was not, nor would ever be.

This, too, was as it should be, and yet, having seen the expression on his face as Jian had slipped up and addressed him as she would any member of her crew, I could not help but feel for him.

"It is a matter of practice," I said now. "You cannot expect to immediately get it right. It would be like Jian taking up a sword and expecting herself to have a warrior's skills. Any trade requires practice."

"Even that of Emperor." Mamoru spoke softly enough that I might pretend not to have heard.

I chose not to. "You are a very good Emperor. It is the position you were trained for." Granted, he had not been the eldest son, and so my lord's training had, perhaps, been less vigorous than that of his brother. "You must stop doubting yourself so. Look at all you have already accomplished."

He smiled wryly, staring at his hands. "What I see right now is not particularly impressive."

"Then you aren't looking well enough," I said, not intending to let him have this argument.

"How is it that you can place so much faith and trust in me, and yet also argue with me so vehemently?" my lord asked, smiling faintly. "Truly, Kouje, you are a mystery."

 _And how can you see all that you have done and consider it nothing?_ These words, I swallowed, for all that I longed to speak them aloud. "I suppose ... some changes are not so easily undone."

For nearly all my life, I had called him 'my lord' and shown him the deference one shows to a prince. Then, circumstances had forced me to change my habits, to adapt my behavior in a way that would have been shameful had the changes not also been necessary to protect my lord's life.

I had expected it to be a relief, for things to go back to the way they had been, as easily done as changing them had been hard. Alas, it had not been so.

"Perhaps that is because some things _should_ be changed," Mamoru said.

Did I love him any less now that I occasionally addressed him by his name, rather than 'my lord'? Should I permit my own feelings to cloud my perception of what was proper and what was not?

"Perhaps," I allowed. I need not mention what things I felt should _not_ be changed.

Mamoru sighed. Possibly, he had read my thoughts off of my face. "It's a pity we can't stay a little longer. I would have liked to get to know your sister better. She is, after all, your only remaining family. Her approval is important to me."

My lord no longer had any family of his own - or no close relatives, with whom he had grown up, at any rate. He only had me, as I only had Jian.

"How could she not approve of her Emperor?" It was hardly relevant; the question I ought to have asked was _Who is my sister, to approve or disapprove of you?_. It was not her place, to hold such opinions, any more than it was mine. Even the seven Lords had only to obey.

Such was the proper way of things. And such was the world in which my lord might have been killed for no offense at all, save that his brother had taken an irrational dislike to him. Could I maintain that all this was as it should be, and yet find nothing but joy in the fact that Mamoru lived?

"I had hoped," Mamoru said shyly, "she might approve of me as her brother's friend and companion."

I doubted that Jian had ever viewed him as such, these past days. "If she were to get to know you, I am sure that she would like you." For all that it was perhaps not a truthful answer to Mamoru's question, it was not a lie. Nobody who got to know my lord could dislike him. That, I knew, was his nature. His gift.

"As you do?" His expression was even shier now.

I might have felt hurt, had I thought that he could truly doubt my feelings for him. This was only more misplaced and uncalled for uncertainty, though. "No one could ever love you half as well as I do," I said, for on this one topic, I would not brook any doubts on his part.

He flushed, like a woman of the court, suddenly confronted with an ardent but not unwelcome suitor.

"Nor you, I," he said, which was not the proper reply _at all_ , and yet I could not find it in me to rebuke him for it. "That is why we will come back here again, Kouje. I wish for this to be a place where I can simply be Mamoru, your friend and - " he faltered for a moment, then continued, " - and you simply Kouje, who is _my_ friend."

The look he gave me was anxious, as if he expected me not to simply disagree, but to outright forbid him. To tell him that what he wished was simply not possible, that he might visit here as often as he wished (well, as often as his duties would permit him) but that nothing he said or did here would ever get people to view him as anyone other than who he was: their Emperor, who ruled them.

It might well be true. Still, I knew that telling him so would wound him and besides, who knew? Who was I, after all, to think I knew the people of this village better than the Emperor whose people they were? In the years since I had left home, I had spoken to Jian but rarely; certainly, I could not claim any closer acquaintance with the villagers than Mamoru.

"Your wish is ever my command," I said, and it was only when I saw his face fall that I knew this, too, had not been the right thing to say.

"It is a wish only," he said. "It is not a command, Kouje. I cannot command your friendship, nor would I wish to. It would be wrong."

Pointless, to say that he had mistaken my meaning. "There is not a part of me that you cannot command," I said instead. "How is that wrong? Are my love and loyalty so unwelcome to you?"

"You know that they are not." He looked shocked, almost hurt.

I did not remind him that only moments ago, he had spoken much like this to _me_. It was forgiven and forgotten already. "Then do me the honor of accepting them, Mamoru. Please."

My use of his name was deliberate, almost calculated. I knew that it would force him to take my words seriously, rather than dismiss them as inspired by loyalty and duty.

"Only if you, in turn, will accept mine," he said. His expression had changed. There was determination on his face now, the same determination he had displayed when becoming Emperor.

The sight filled me with hope while, at the same time, a part of me sought to caution me, for some things might be even beyond an Emperor to change or command. There would surely be consequences, were word to spread that the Emperor chose to spend his time thus, and in such unworthy company. There would be rumors, gossip, and some of it might be all too true, while some of it would be false only because I still had some shreds of propriety left to me.

"Kouje," he said, more gently now, "this is where you say 'yes'."

"Yes, my lord," I said, obediently and then, to take some of the sting out, "I will also try to think of some method to spare your hands, next time. You will need the use of them at the palace. It will not do to have them get injured after every visit here."

He smiled at me. "Thank you. That will be good."

"I should warn you, though, that my sister is very stubborn. It may take many visits before you will get her to speak to you as Mamoru." Conveniently, I pretended she had not done so already. It had only been a mistake, after all. "Perhaps it will never happen at all."

"Then I suppose," Mamoru said, "we shall have to come here often." His tone was solemn, but there was such joy in his eyes that it was hard not to smile back. "Also, you should probably set a proper example. That would definitely help, don't you think?"

He would have me speak to him as an equal before his court, were I to let him have his way.

"Not in public, my lord. It would not be proper."

"In private, then," he said, unable to hide his delight at having won such a victory over me. "When we are in private, or only have your sister for company, you will always call me by my name."

I could only imagine what my sister might have to say to me, were I to display such improper behavior in front of her. And yet, how could I refuse him, knowing how much it meant to him? He was my Emperor, whom I had sworn to serve; my friend, whom I loved more than anyone in the world.

"Yes," I said.

"Thank you, Kouje." His bandaged hands grasped mine. They were soft, and warm. "My friend."

My own hands were less calloused than my sister's, yet still nowhere near as soft as his. "It is my honor, Mamoru. My friend."

It was thus, in this position, that Jian found us, come to tell us dinner was ready. She did not offer a single comment, either in words or in the expression on her face, but I knew that she would find me later, to speak of it.

I did not know what to tell her, other than the truth.


End file.
